POOPOO

I stay up all night every night now, for months. After the sun has come up, a few 
hours later I feel okay to drift off into those little slices of death we call sleep.

I force out an impressive stool from my rear and smile. This means I'm HEALTHY.
Ever notice how every single time you excrete, whether it be a #1 or #2 or something
inbetween, you have to look at it. You have to stare back at that porcelain throne,
and glare at the glorious mounds of waste you created. I don't know if this is just
animal instinct.. if we are checking for some discoloring in the pee or inconsistency
in the poo, or maybe its more than that. A friend of mine once described to me, a 
toilet-top manuever he called THE SCORPION. He explained that when having a hard time
passing a sizable log, he would simply reach down (while still sitting over the driving
wheel) and grab his ankles on either side, pulling them upward fiercely. This would arch 
his back and flex the gluteus, naturally assisting the bowel movement on its journey.
I responded to him saying, Oh yeah.. the Scorpion.. yeah.. i do that sometimes O_O;;;

Of course I had not. So upon returning home, I rushed to the bathroom, locked the door
and began the experiment. With a turd halfway out of my ass, giggling like a schoolgirl,
I reached down and grabbed my ankles. In theory one did not consider the stability factors 
involved in such motions, but when I pulled up on my ankles, arching my back, and thusly
executing a flawless Scorpion; I found myself falling forward toward the bathroom floor 
with a grand bowel movement making a hasty exit from my posterior. This was not good.
Being quite tall paid off cosmically as I reached out and pushed off the wall, forcing 
my body to the sitting position again and looking down I was proud to see that the 
Scorpion had been successfully employed. A nice, newly birthed Zentraedi ship beamed
back at me from the glimmering waters below, and I carefully decorated it with white
sails before violently blasting it to bits with my powerful pee/laser beam. I have to
admit I almost felt remorse as I watched its spiral decent into its watery grave.

Many times I have asked my roomates to come look at one of my big-brown-sharks in the 
sea of doom, but they have always declined to this very day, and refer to it as-
"a locke thing".

-L0cke                                            April 12 / 2000