Perspective

I went out to the mountain again today.
No rain this time.
Guess its becoming a special place for me :3
Sat there watching the sun go down, looking out over the whole city.
Huge beams of sunlight pouring through the clouds, the city and cars below,
like so many little toys. Its kind of like stepping back from a painting and
being able to take in the whole thing for the first time.. everything breaks 
down to simple shapes and color. I thought about my life in that way. How we
tend to complicate the simplest matters, worry about the ones that mean the 
least. After looking at the valley below me, i could choose my life in one 
sentence.

a few people walked by on the road below. some didnt see me up a few hundred 
feet above them on the mountainside, and a few looked up and noticed. none came 
up and joined me, sitting there on my skateboard. i thought about people who go
through life without looking up. i wondered if i would have looked up.

I remember walking with CP one day.. to Nikaku thru a quiet area of San Jose.
A woman passed us and i looked at her face.. she was crying really hard. tears
streaming down her face uncontrollably. she passed us.. i took 2 steps and 
stopped. I said "charles, i want to say something to her.. she needs help man."
but for some reason i didnt.. (this was not a attractive woman mind you.. she 
was like 35-40 and nothin to write home about -_-) but shit.. ill always 
remember the look on her face. ill always remember that i didnt even try to 
help, the next time im hurt and broken. i remembered all this and i put my
head on my drawing table and i cried. The sun is coming up outside my cardboarded 
window. Its a new day. check your email at least once every day.

have you ever stood at an empty beach.. 
hold her hands, the sea so deep
and ask yourself.. is this for me?

is it enough now?
to be on your own?

on a peice of paper as plain as night
and the words dont seem to come out right..
ask yourself again, is this for me?

is it enough now?
to be on your own?

to be on your own.


-L0cke                               march 11 / 2000